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Zombie apocalyspe guide

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 01:49:20 +0000

Here's the full featured list of supplies and preventative measures to take when zombies attack your futile neighborhood in the suburbs and knock down your lily white fence while eating your wife's jeans to get to her hairy ass, because you know she stopped shaving once you got married.

I reviewed the list and am proud to call it 100% useless because it does not include weapons. The government forgot to tell you that you will need several semi-automatic shotguns, much like the SAIGA in Battlefield Bad Company 2...with Magnum bullets for extreme ~~man~~ zombie stopping power. They should also inform you on where to purchase a flamethrower, but with the price of gas so high, that's perhaps a bad idea. I want to be rich after the zombies go away, so spending $4.00 per gallon of gas to burn them up isn't as smart as buying cheap bullets. Gotta prioritize, yo!

Joan Krajewski sucks at life

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 01:35:01 +0000

She's part Irish. Wait. Part? Ha. Not even from Ireland, so you have no right to speak. How the hell did you become a councilwoman anyway? You obviously have zero sense of humor and are so bored with your job that you whine and make people hate you even more than they previously did. Stop crying that a Spencer's (hello, it's a fucking humor store) sells witty t-shirts that get worn once a year.

Spencer’s General Counsel Kevin Mahoney was contacted and he basically said, in words I am making up that 1) the shirts stay, and she can cry herself to sleep because we don't give a fuck what that mutt face fake Irish bitch thinks, 2) she's not even 100% so she can only cry out of one old wrinkled eye, while we repeatedly punch the other eye with a balled up t-shirt covered in frog shit.

TEN THINGS MORE OFFENSIVE THAN NUTTY IRISH T-SHIRTS

Joan Krajewski's old lesbian haircut. Last two times I've seen this atrocity were on MacGyver and a truck stop while a lot lizard was bent over in a big rig.

The fact that every time I look at her picture with a microphone, I can't help but imagine the mic as a cock, and I can't help but feel sad for my penis, because there's no way in hell I would ever let her do the deed on the dagger. I would break my back and remove two ribs trying to suck my own dick before I even showed it to her.

the fact that she has no eyebrows.

Her earrings look like the roof of a Russian church, and we know Irish people aren't hanging out in there, but that's only because Irish folk sip whiskey and Russians prefer vodka.

The fact that a news source even bothered to let her speak on the phone long enough. Although, CBS does a great job of making her look like an asshole crybaby.

Her obvious smokers voice and the fact we know this 84 year old zombie whore monger throws her butts out the window and probably blows her dirty second hand smoke into babies mouths.

Again, her voice and lack of swagger make me vomit. She makes Betty White look hot, and Betty White makes me puke too.

I would've stopped at five, but she's so fucking gross that my charismatic words flow like a harpoon daily and nightly.

Will it ever stop? Yo I don't know. Turn of the lights, and I'll glow.

To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal, light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle...

watch the creatures video on youtube.

Witnessed a boob assault

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 01:03:45 +0000

Then this girl was like "yo, check out deez titties" and I was like"damn girl, them some fly ass titties, how much you want to pull them pants up up higher than your belly button?"

And she was like, "yo nigga, I'll do it for free, but you gotta stop staring, cause you ain't gonna be getting up in any of this any time soon."

Then I said "fuck you then trampasaurus," and I jogged to the next. The block was dead
yo, so I continued to A1A Beachfront Avenue.
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis, Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis.
Jealous 'cause I'm out getting mine?

Shay with a guage and Vanilla with a nine.

Represent.

FML

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:46:22 +0000

Ever have a night where you don't feel drunk, then the next thing you know, you're waking up covered in marker, tampons in your ass, and wearing your mom's underwear? Yeah, me either.

I'm usually the one drawing on people like you. But this time. It was my turn to be the victim.

Thanks.

Back when Halo was actually fun...

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:44:33 +0000

The "you're temporarily banned if you quit, but sometimes you have to quit because matchmaking is so damn bad" rule sucks.

It sucks having to press three buttons to just back out of a game and a fourth to begin a new one. Before we could press ONE button to back out, and many buttons to check stats. Now we have to press many buttons just to back out. That's stupid as shit. No one gives a shit about whatever is on those extra screens, and if they do, then that's what the "check stats of previous game screen" is for.

And no one cares about the pointless slot machine. Seriously, you're wasting space on the disc by putting that there. I don't care if it's less than a megabyte, it's still lame.

Not sure what goes on at Bungie, but it seems like everyone who makes the game, doesn't ever play the game. Otherwise, they would know not to put SWAT on a massive map, or they would know to place SWAT in its own area, so everyone trying to play slayer doesn't have to witness SWAT if they don't want to, which is why they quit a million times until they get a real slayer match. At least they quit when the game begins, and not halfway through.

Bungie needs a smart quit detection system. If you quit within the first 30 seconds, then there's no penalty. But if you start to play the game, realize you suck, and then quit halfway through because you're losing, then you should suffer. If you quit when winning, then there shouldn't be a penalty unless your team loses. If the game isn't halfway complete and the scores are within 15, then new people should be able to join the game in progress like they can do in the normal war games.

If Bungie would stop trying to make things look so detailed, like the SHITTY remake of MIDSHIP, and just stick to the basics, then you would have a map that doesn't suck.

If they would've put Cold Storage, aka Chill Out, in a good matchmaking area in Halo 3, then people would remember how cool it was.

I remember in Halo CE to Halo 3, that if I saw something that looked like I could jump on it, then I COULD FUCKING JUMP ON IT. Not in Halo Reach. I was on some average map with three main airvents trying to position myself on a pipe along the wall that appears to come up to my characters ball sack, and low and behold, I can't even jump on it. Awful. Before I could crawl up to the pipes along the ceiling in a map. Now? Nope. Lame.

If Bungie took this long to make Halo Reach, and there's nothing but crap maps and bad remakes, an shit guns, then wtf were they doing all this time? No one gives a fuck about a prequel. Infact, the shit don't even make sense. I could fly a jetpack BEFORE, but I can't now? No. That's stupid as shit. Just make Halo 4 and stop trying to be cool. No one gives a damn if you would've called it Halo Suck on My Balls 3.5 - people will still buy it.

Maps Bungie should bring back, and make sure they don't ruin them like MIDSHIP GOT RUINED!!!

Damnation, Rat Race, Beaver/Battle Creek, Prisoner, Hang Em High, Chiron, Wizard/Warlock, Longest/Elongation/Narrows, Burial Mounds, Colossus, Foundation, Gemini, Headlong, Relic, Terminal, Waterworks, Zanzibar/Last Resort, Construct, Epitaph, Guardian, High Ground, Isolation, Rat's Nest, Standoff, The Pit.

Just don't F them up like you always do.

I am Khloe Kardashian and I am 100% useless.

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:43:02 +0000

She is dumb as shit. The audience has barely any reaction to any of the dumb shit she says.

She reminds me of a fat tranny with a cute face who isn't entertaining except for the fact that their penis is usually longer than yours is.

She wears black because she eats too much.

She can't interview for shit, and when she does, she interviews white trash like Khloe Kardashian.

I'm sorry, but why the hell is Khloe Kardashian famous? What does she do besides sleep with basketball players and have ugly sisters?

Is it just me or does Khloe Kardashian look like she has Down Syndrome? Ok. I knew it wasn't just me. She's hideous.

Khloe Kardashian is a fat Tori Spelling with black hair. Write that down.

Lamar Odom - how ugly and insecure are you that you need to pick up this trailer trash? C'mon bro, you can do so much better.

Have some standards instead of picking up useless curb scraps, and throw this meatwad to the dogs, yo.

Roast of Pam Anderson

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:38:21 +0000

Every five minutes I was reminded about how Tommy Lee's cock resembled an elephant trunk, Courtney Love is a violent drug abused crackhead whore, Andy Dick likes dick, Bea Arthur has a penis, and Lisa Lampanelli is probably the fattest, ugliest, least funny girl who sounds like a man I've ever seen.

If you were Courtney Love or Lisa Lampanelli, then why the hell would you ever consider appearing on a roast when 90% of the people there will be laughing at you?

Courtney Love is disgusting. There were more coke and slut references pointed directly at her than you could find at a comedy club hosting a drug intervention. The roastmasters did not hesitate to look directly at her and state exactly the truth - that she is a lifeless drug addict who will suck any cock in the audience for a line of bad coke. Eating dog vomit with cat shit in it would be more enticing that looking at her.

Lisa Lampanelli. Wow. You wore purple and made Barney look good. You cracked black jokes even though you are disgustingly fat and look like the mascot van that Barney would drive to a birthday party. Your voice is manly and your unfunny comedic approach to delivery is awful. There isn't a thing funny about you. You're just disgusting. If you were a drug addict like Courtney Love, then you may be thinner. Then again, you'd still sound like a raspy fat man who loves black cock, as you so stated that you've had more black dick than the Apollo can handle.

Lisa Lampanelli and Courtney Love are disgusting. Don't you think?

Pamela looked good for her age, but she needs to ditch the stupid oversize extensions as they're more distracting that a chocolate bar in front of Lampanelli, or a bag of meth to Courtney Love.

PS - who the hell is Bea Arthur? I'm gonna have to Google her.

Christopher Nolan's Inception

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:34:55 +0000

Two and a half hours and I didn't fall asleep. I didn't leave to urinate on the seat. I didn't get bored at all. I was literally entertained the entire time. Inception is like adderall for study junkies.

The only distractions were a loud black dude behind me and a guy clapping in the front. But the guy clapping was mentally challenged, so at least he had an excuse. The black guy kept stating the obvious like, "oh shit, that's Leonardo DiCaprio" as if his name and face weren't plastered on every sign for 90 miles. The guy was like the black John Madden "if you get the ball, into the end zone, it's a touchdown."

Really John? Thanks.

Go see Inception. I liked it. I would tell you if it sucked. I fucking know everything.

Betty White animal calendar is disgusting

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:33:31 +0000

If you want to raise money for animals, then use attractive girls; not a gray haired dinosaur who shoves her face with hot dogs.

Ugh, she is like the old version of Rosie Odonnell...just fatter, older, and grayer.

Predicted amount of sales of her calendar? 1,038, which is the exact number of people with old lady fetishes and suckers for animals who will buy that eyesore just for the cause. Fuck the cause, I'd rather give money straight to an animal. It's not my fault if a homeless dog under a bus can't figure out how to spend it.

And by the way, Betty White, you dumb old shit, if you're supposed to be supporting the animals, then why are you eating a hot dog?

Comments please.

What's better? Having sex or getting drunk?

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:26:52 +0000

Which one do you like best?

Choosing is not as easy as you think when you weigh the options.

There's several common factors involved in our alcohol vs vagina debate, and they are as follows:

Light beer/heavy beer vs light girl/ heavy girl.
Flavored beer vs flavored condoms.
Cheap beer vs cheap hooker?
Pounders or 40's vs flounders or flowers.
Local brews or imports vs locals or girls on vacation.
Nagging hangover vs nagging girlfriend.
Puking from drinking vs puking because your girlfriend drank another man's semen.
Dancing like you have a clue vs fucking like you have a clue.
Being obnoxious and having an excuse vs being obnoxious and having no excuse.
Beer muscles vs beat up in bed...even though that could be fun.

I think the answer is clear. It's best to get drunk, then have sex, in which you can be as obnoxious while naked and at least blame it on Pabst Blue Ribbon if you're a dirty hipster who probably had to roofie someone to get laid.

Wait, isn't that what you went to college for? To sign off on a degree that, between the lines, says you fucked off for six years getting drunk and somehow lasted longer than the dropouts, so here's your $40,000 degree printed on recycled paper made from old toiletries?

Yup.

At this point, I like getting drunk too much and always end up forgetting about trying to get laid. I should drink a little bit less at bars, because then maybe I could do a better job hunting cougars...or running away from them!

I vote that an even mix of both drunk and sex at the same time could win, but I know some alcoholics will vouch 100% for getting smashed, while the mac daddy pimps out there will stand up for smashing box.

Post what you like better in the comments.

Cleveland Cavs owner is still crying.

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:17:24 +0000

Why wouldn't he? Cleveland sucks. Who cares if it's home to him. Miami has hot Cuban girls running around looking for dick, Cleveland has hoodrats.

Miami has two stud players who can score on anyone. Cleveland does not have shit but a Delonte West the ugly douchebag motherfucker who played at Temple and fucked Lebron's Mom.

Come to think of it, if I were Lebron James, I would've quit on them in the playoffs too because there would be no fucking way I would ever win a championship for a team who didn't fire a guy who fucked another players Mother because the people running that team are just a bunch of motherfuckers as well.

I'm contradicting the shit out of myself right now because I previously called Lebron a quitter. But now I think he is the fucking man because I believe he quit on purpose so that he fucked everyone right back. He denied all the assholes in Cleveland a championship on purpose when they completely lacked respect for him and wouldn't even release the guy who did the one thing you're not supposed to do - fuck a coworkers Momma Dukes. What a fucking motherfucker that red haired fuck West really is, and so is the entire office behind the Cav's.

Fuck the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Go Miami Heat. I hope they win seven in a row and surpass Jordan and Delonte West cries every night because his team can't even make the playoffs anymore.

Delonte West is like Ephialtes in 300, an ugly monster mother fucker.

PS - it takes two to tango, so what the fuck was his Mom thinking? There aren't players who at least look human? Like this handsome guy right here?

FYI, last week I was sexually assaulted by an older woman

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:16:21 +0000

a 34 year old cougar dragged me out of the bar a week ago. I woke up on her couch, pissed my pants, and raided her fridge at 7am before doing the walk of shame, soaking wet and without a house key to get into my own place.

Good thing my roommates were just going to bed themselves, or I'd have had to sleep outside in my wet clothes for a few hours...or strip down to my boxers and pass out on the beach and hope the seagulls don't peck my pecker.

I enjoyed it and wanted to share my miserably awesome experience with you.

Blurb about some random animal that German people hate

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:15:00 +0000

t was entertainingly nostalgic watching you predict World Cup winners. I found you to be most influential in which games I would watch, jerseys I would wear, and vuvuzela I would irritate people with.

Through all we've been through together, the capturing of you unwillingly from your habitat, the frying of your friends and family, and the fact we put you in a little box and asked you to act like you're really doing something so that all the suckers of the world would fall vicitim to 40 more ounces of bullshit, it is extremely unfortunate that I must dictate this news to you.

The Germans think you're a motherfucker and want you grilled.

Not much I can do about it, but top one of your slivers with some Sriracha Sauce and agree with the Germans. Point being, they make better beer and I'm not going to make them angry. Nice knowing you, you soon to be tasty octo-treat!

Even I'm a bigger King then Lebron James

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:14:16 +0000

You're not a king. Know how I know that? Because you don't come from royalty, don't wear a crown, and you give up on your team in the playoffs which is partly the reason you are six rings behind Michael Jordan, five behind Kobe Bryant, and are nothing but a marketable item sucking in useless attention from people who think you're the next coming of Christ when you have proved nothing to anyone.

Know who a real king is? King Leonidas. He didn't give up, but rather fought to the death. Dwayne Wade fights for his team to win and goes down respectfully in a loss. What do you do? Give up. Play yourself as a media circus freak watching everyone pay a quarter to pay attention to you.

You're announcing tonight where you'll play next year and it's going to take an hour to tell us that? Why? So you can rape advertisers of their money just because you're a clown? People pay attention to you because it's entertainment. It's entertaining watching you act like you deserve a max contract when you've played seven seasons and have still not won a championship.

You're the black Jim Kelly...the black Dan Marino...the guy who can only get so far but not ever win a championship

Wait! What am I thinking? Comparing you to Hall of Fame athletes is an insult. Those guys never gave up on their team like you did.

They're not quitters posing as media whores

The Internet closes next week, according to Prince

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:12:07 +0000

The Internet's completely over. I don't see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won't pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can't get it. All these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can't be good for you."

Haha. Really? You can't come up with a new song, so you get pissy and cry about the Internet? Dude, are you kidding me? Have some grapes bitches. This is such a joke that I don't even know what with what level of retard to refer to you as.

The Internet is not over. You are over. You get custom guitars made because normal guitars are taller than you. You fired your hairdresser because they left you to go stylize Rhianna's hair because sometimes you and her look like twins.

You're mad because you still shop at baby Gap, but Ryan Reynold's is jacked and starring in movies.

You're mad because scientology won't accept you because you dress like a purple alien and that's a conflict of interest.

You're mad because people won't download your music on bit torrent for free, which obviously means no one will pay for it either.

You're mad because the last time you heard CREAM on the radio it was 1992.

Prince...Stop crying and adapt to the modern era. Dressing like a tranny only works for Lady Gaga. Maybe try to act straight, since straight is the new gay. And while you're at it, have some more grapes, bitches.

Dallas Braden is a giant crybaby

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:11:27 +0000

Cry. Me. A. Fucking. River.

There once was a time where players could intimidate each other and talk a little bit of trash and it was all in good athletic and competitive entertainment.

So this jerkbait Dallas Braden one day says to Alex Rodriguez "Get off my Mound" and the A's make a tshirt of it and fans love it.

It's not distasteful.

It's not dirty.

It's nothing but fun promoting your pitcher as a badass who is in charge, giving your Oakland fans something to cheer for while Jamarcus Russell sips on syzzzurp and the Raiders fail at football.

This shirt represents a resilience to the Yankees and telling people that when they come to Oakland, that the A's are in charge. This shirt gives your team some attitude and swagger. This shirt makes your fans feel good even through a loss.

Stand up for your team and yourself, don't back out like a bitch when it comes time to promote yourself with some swagger.

Is it a coincidence your elbow hurts the same week you have to pitch to the Yankees again?

Dallas Braden - you are a crybaby and an asshole and you suck.

Hot Gamer chick pooping

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:10:19 +0000

I don't care where she is from.

I don't care if she's sucked 32 dicks.

I only care about one thing: what time is she leaving after we fuck so that I can get back on Battlefield Bad Company 2.

This morning I awoke with a slight chub during a dream where I was sniping two turds with an M-95, while perched up on a mountainside, and I realized something two steps away from traumatic - I haven't played that game in days, and I'm at the beach, which means my Xbox 360 is at home, which means I'm two hours away from it and still have 48 hours left of this fucking nightmare with no Xbox. Fuck. My. Life. Fuck. Yours. Too.

However, I like beer, pussy, and surfing. Three things that will keep me busy while I go through withdraw from hiding like a bitch in a bush just to get a cheap headshot on some asshole teenager running around out in the open trying to mark me with a orange triangle in noob mode.

Yes, I am aware that playing on not hardcore is kinda gay, but every once in a while you need to boost your confidence by getting easy kills. It's like going through a time in your life where you haven't touched a vagina in months, so you give in and fuck a fat chick to boost your morale. Does anyone notice the girl to the left?

Do you think she can handle my 4 inch monster?

Do you smoke? Yes or No?

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:07:41 +0000

I can't stand smokers. But I really can't stand assholes who smoke on the beach. Is there a reason you have to pollute this perfectly good beach air by making it smell like complete shit? Is there a reason you're a dumb fat hideous fuck who looks even more fuckier by waddling this little white smoke stick in the air while you talk about what Ellen Degeneres last said? Or you sip Budweiser out of a can like a dirty fucking redneck from Tennessee with no teeth?

Do the kids digging a hole to bury you in need secondhand smoke? Does that dumb shit seagull need it? Nope, and I hate seagulls, but I love them compared to you.

C'mon asshole, give us a fucking break. Go drown yourself instead of blowing your second hand smoke everywhere.

The bottom line is this - people who smoke are assholes, but people who smoke on beaches are fucking assholes.

Which one are you?

Eddy Curry is a 6'11 bag of shit

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:06:10 +0000

Just read on Ball Don't Lie the list of Eddy Curry's monthly expenses and decided that he is a complete asshole who does not deserve a multimillion dollar contract as a member of the New York Knicks, especially considering he played in only a handful of games last year, which was only a handful more than the 3 games he played the year before. Talk about a waste of money on a guy who wastes his money.

• $30,000 a month for "household expenses."

- Like what? Feeding 90,000 hamsters run in a round wheel to provide you extra electricity? 42 naked maids daily? Drugs?

• $17,000 a month to various relatives including his parents, sister and father-in-law.

- Tell those lazy pieces of shit to get a job.

• More than $1,000 a month for cable and satellite television.

- Dude, what the fuck are you watching? And 1 mix tapes on pay per view so you can learn the game because you don't get any playing time? You could have every channel known to man for way less. You must be subscribing to gay porn at night and acting like you're watching backdoor plays in basketball.

• $207,000 a month in garnished wages that haven't been elaborated upon, but adds up to almost $2.5 million that Eddy Curry never sees over the course of a year.

• $350,000 to Juwan Howard. (What?)

- Let me guess - lost a bet saying who will get more time playing, you or him, and you clearly lost?
You're such a jackass it's not even funny. I also read that you defaulted on a loan for almost $600,000 which had an 85% interest rate. I'm sorry, but are you fucking stupid? What's wrong, you couldn't wait a month to earn that much money which you would've had in cash? Damn dude, you're so fucking stupid it's not even funny. Who in this galaxy would ever agree to an 85% loan. Why don't you just say "Hey, I'm a dumbass who will pay you double?"

You should've went to college, maybe learned you something on how to manage money instead of looking like a 4th pick draft bust who wastes the entire salary they don't even deserve.

Eddy Curry, you're a 6-11 bag of shit.

21 things to buy used. My list is better then Yahoo's list

1215 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:05:08 +0000

After reading Yahoo's list of 21 things you should never by new, I decided to make my own reversed list of 21 things you shouldn't buy used.

condoms because in your case they don't fit.

toilet paper because it's probably not soft anymore.

feminine products because they're creepy no matter what.

ass cream because it's half used.

dildos and vibrators because they're covered in yeast infection.

ball gag because no one likes to spit in another persons mouth.

vacuum cleaner because there's always something fucking wrong with them

any American car because there's a reason it was traded in.

oil from the BP spill. zing!

P90x on CraigsList because it's probably a gay porn bootleg.

shoes accompanied by bunion scrapes.

gloves because you don't know how many times they masturbated in them.

underwear because, well, it's not the color you like.

bras because you know some guy at some point sniffed it, and you don't want to be the sniffed bra girl.

hats covered in lice.

old man pants covered in piss at the salvation army, not even if it's just for a Halloween costume.

mouthpiece for sports, because that's no different than a dildo.

whistle because do you really want to blow on that after creepy mccreepenstein did?

pets because there's a reason they were rejected, they're probably an asshole.

80% of anything in a pawn shop because all five that I've been to were ran by people who looked like thieves.

trash, like the shit I sold some idiot on Ebay as a gag gift when he could have made his own "Surprise Party Gift" complete with empty Doritos bags and beer cans.

That tsunami was an inside job too!

1215 — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:50:52 +0000

Many reasons exist about what causes a tsunami, but all scientific proof is thrown out today. I have my own answers to what caused almost as much smelly death as Hitler and Stalin. They're all logical and well thought out. You might not believe any of them, but fear not, they're quite possible.

Possibility #1: Mongolian missile testing; underwater!
Some may wonder why the magnificent Asian Tsunami wasn't predicted and I have your answer. It wasn't a true tsunami; it was underwater nuclear missile testing with launches by top secret Oscar submarines. That's right folks; I heard Mongolia was thinking about expanding and taking over all the Shaolin monks throughout all of Asia. They're next target would be northernly Russia. In Russia the Mongolians would replace Vodka with the juice of 10,000 lamas' testicles and white vinegar. I suppose the vinegar is what causes the sour face. Regardless, my further information states that the operator of the submarine that launches the nuclear missiles accidentally fired two simultaneously, causing such big fucking waves. Mutated fish and a huge Asian death toll ensue, by accident. Lastly, another Mongolian in an AOL Mongolian chat room stated, "Hey, who do you think we are? Americans? We don't know how the fuck to drive a submarine and shoot off bombs, we don't have driving school to practice in!"

Possibility #2: Australia wanted bigger waves.
Another reason the Tsunami wasn't predicted nor acknowledged is because it wasn't a tsunami at all. It was a group of 4,000 Australian surfers who decided to, over the last three years, swim to the Indian Ocean and construct the world's largest wave pool. Ironically, the Australian divers had been drinking Foster's the entire time they worked underwater construction, and built the wave machine backwards. Then some ballsy, knarly, drunken surfer dude thought he would surf all the way back to Australia, and he lost his dive suit for his surf board, turned on the wave maker, floated to the surface, and ended up in Asian, on top of 150,000 dead. Not good to operate machinery or surf while under the influence.

Possibility #3: Blame the gay people!
Well, we all need someone to blame, so how about the homosexuals? When God created Adam and Eve, he didn't make Eve a transsexual. Thus leaving us to believe that man and woman coexist, and man and man do not. This leads some religious enthusiasts to believe that the Lord struck down his mighty axe and demanded some respect. Humans do not be gay unless you're two hot chicks, otherwise God might get irritated and send an Earthly warning. I'm just not sure how he's going to make this up to Mother Earth. However, he is God, so I don't think he has to.

Possibility #4: George Bush did it.
George secretly dislikes Asians and to take people's minds off of the war in Iraq, that America is LOSING, he decided to wreck havoc elsewhere. What a fucking pussy! Instead of defeating one country and smashing them to the ground - all men, women, and reproducing children, or just leaving the place to destroy itself, he takes out his Daddy's anger in form of a man-made tsunami. What's wrong George? Does it piss you off that America STILL HAS NOT CAUGHT BIN LADEN? It pisses me off. Anyway, another reason Bush caused the tsunami so that he could show the world how he comes to the rescue when people are in need. From what I've heard, Bush's donations haven't been as high as others.

List of things I do not like, including hippies

1215 — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:50:13 +0000

I hate the homeless and how they beg for money. I hate every time I go to a gas station, the worthless bags of crap try to pump my gas for me like I live in New Jersey. I hate telling them to go away and I hate how they stand there with their diseased hands out expecting money.

I hate how I know more than both of my boss's put together, but I still have to do things their way. It pisses me off how they're paid twice as much, yet I 99% of the work. It makes me mad that I could do the job 100 times more efficient, but I can't get the position because I haven't worked for a company for years, nor I have I let any of my bosses penetrate me.

I hate people who think the world owes them a living.

I really hate how financial life is determined by credit scores, even more than I hate cops. Someone steals your info or a crappy company like Sears who is too lazy to tell creditors that YOU HAVE INDEED PAID YOUR FUCKING BILLS places you in the creditory-shitcan for 7 years.

I hate people who run online stores, such as Yahoo! stores, and think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. I hate how these people think that when you talk to them, you have to act like they're a billionaire CEO. You can't be a CEO when you don't even pay for hosting.

I hate doing favors for people in measurements of inches and at no fee, yet they expect a mile and four grand worth of services. It's a favor; I'm doing it out of the kindness of my dark tiny black heart... don't ask for more! Be glad you received anything at all.

I don't like how anyone can have a website. Dream Weaver and Front Page mixed with domains at less than 10 bucks and free hosting ruined the Internet. The guy from CERN should really monitor every website ever made, which in fact would leave you with mine and 1000 others, opposed to the millions that unfortunately exist. Domains need to cost $100.00 per name so people quit buying 100's of them just for the chance one might be worth something.

I hate ignorant people like the jerk off who lives below me. He blasts music every day. Then I have to hear it from my girlfriend, and then I have to go down and tell his stupid ass to turn it down. Then when that doesn't work, I plug in all three of her blow-dryers, the microwave, and any other appliance in my apartment. Once I turn them all on at once, my side of the building shorts out and that delinquent downstairs can't even listen to shitty rap quietly.

I hate how LA apartments are so expensive. Landlords are such thieves that they will take every penny from you. WHO NEEDS A $2000 SECURITY DEPOSIT ON A $1500/MO APARTMENT?!?!?!?!??!?

I hate people who want you to hold their hand and won't try and figure out anything on their own.

I hate people on other forums who when you make a post about something, they reply back with 100% worthless crap that has nothing to do with what you asked

I hate homosexuals unless it's two attractive women.

I hate hippies because their stench pollution causes me more visual and nasal harm than typical CA smog.

I hate smokers because they're the only thing worse than hippies.

I hate traffic because I'm fast paced and can't stand when I can't go where I want to go because everyone else needs to go there as well. The fact that people drive like New Jersey residents doesn't help either - slow and borderline retarded.

I hate America Online because it’s the worst computer application ever invented.

I hate hipsters. Their plot to be original by looking stupid and drinking PBR is not original. People did that shit in the 70s. You look like Urkel. Fuck off.

What do you despise?

Romanian people are really disgusting

1215 — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:48:50 +0000

I was just about to switch on the Xbox, and I heard the word prostitution from the television speakers. Then I saw the word CNN on the bottom of the screen, and being that I advertise adult material, I figured that the CNN show on prostitution might be a valid supply for a funny story. Wrong. I felt like puking during and after watching the prostitution special because it was CHILD PROSTITUTION IN ROMANIA.

Jesus fucking Christ, you fucking Romans are filthy. I don't care how poor you are, you NEVER pimp your 15-year-old son TO A MAN... for 40 bucks. You get 50! Just kidding.
Oh, it gets better. Tom Peters organizes a gay porn website that permits members to organize a meeting with the models, who are all underage boys. This meeting includes the member purchasing "gifts" for the boy instead of giving him cash. You know, because cash would make it prostitution, but giving gifts are what friends do. Yeah, gay child dick sucking ass reaming friends.

Someone please throw Tom Peters and the people that desire sex from boys into an active volcano. If you're organizing prostitution ring, or hire a hooker, at least use hot chicks rather than homeless homosexual pedophile boy material.

It's people like Tom Peters who make me ashamed to be human.

In a cool note, CNN did not censor the word "FUCK" when the Roman kid said it.

I wonder if members of the RIAA download mp3s in their sleep

1215 — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:48:09 +0000

I always wonder why the music industry dislikes peer-to-peer file sharing and bootlegging. The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) fights to close websites/applications that promote the modern trading of MP3s. Don’t you think file sharing and bootlegging will assist musicians in promotion and increase their development of an appreciative fan base?
Bootlegging has been around for ages. Recordable cassettes are what everyone used to trade music until the Mp3 was formally introduced in 1992 by the Industry Standards Organization (ISO).

The modern means of file sharing may be more expensive, but most definitely better because you can be a fat lazy American and download all the MP3s you desire, all while you eat a cheeseburger and drink a diet soda.

Experts say that CD sales have been low, and I don’t think it’s due to file sharing. I think its because most new music is terrible. For example, new rap music is horrible, bands selling out like Limp Bizkit, musical junk by Creed, and the played out and predictable trance/club covers of 80’s music. Ja Rule and J Lo are the worst of it. All Ja Rule does is say “Yeaaaaaah” in his scratchy cheese-grated voice, while trunk-of-funk J-Lo wobbles her intrusive rear and occasionally sings. She was much better before she met up with the wrong crowd. Rap music stopped being cool when Tupac Shakur and Christopher Wallace passed away.

If record labels didn’t pay radio stations so much to play audible trash, then how else would people find out about Ja Rule and J Lo? File trading. And because of file trading, Ja Rule would have new mindless groupies. J Lo would have more borderline-stupid people gasping at the two basketballs in her pants that are most commonly referred to as her buttocks.

File sharing is what helps bring the audience closer to the musicians. Even if CD sales are low, what about concert sales? I haven’t purchased a CD in at least half a decade, but if I have a burned CD, or downloaded MP3s of a band I like, and I find out they’re coming to town near me – you better believe I’ll see that show.

If the RIAA had any brains, they would develop an Internet browser used primarily for trading files of artists who permit free downloads, develop an RIAA MP3 player, develop a brand of RIAA blank CDrs, and maybe that would make up for lost CD sales.
I think the RIAA is all about money, and they exist because jerk-off artists cry about people sharing the music they enjoy. Any musician who becomes angry over people sharing enjoyable music is not worth listening to anyway. If an artist/s cares only about money, then they’re in the music business for the wrong reason. Sure it’s a job, but when you selling platinum and you crying like a fat kid who dropped his triple scoop ice cream cone – you need to be put in your place, and your ‘fans’ need to become fans of an artist/s who is down to Earth and appreciative of fans. You basically need to fuck yourself.

For serious, girls can't drive for shit

1215 — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:47:14 +0000

Guys, is it just me or can women not drive for shit? Driving 32 in a 45, with your left turn signal on, while you're in the far left lane with nowhere to turn is unacceptable.

Add another 57 times checking makeup, three instances of applying makeup, and 12 unimportant calls from your groupie lipstick sucking, slut friends and you've mathmatically made yourself a terrible driver. Then count the fact that you're a woman and you're now biologically and physically bad driver.

I only know of one girl who can drive well and that's Wonder Woman in her invisible car, plane, whatever the hell that thing was.

Regardless, women of today, as well as metrosexuals, need to get the fuck off the road.

From now on, the only way you're allowed to drive is if you're in a minivan with a sign on top that says "Female Driver, worse than Student Drivers - beware!"

If you disagree with me, then good. Step up and say something by posting your comments.